so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
