Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
