I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
