Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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