Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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