You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
