just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
