It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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