operation have a gay friend backfired
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
