Can i not drive my cunt home
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
