is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
