does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
