Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
