I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
