the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
dude. I can hear the air.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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