my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
