So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
