dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
