don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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