I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
