Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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