She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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