Im at strip club and am horny
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
