this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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