What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my poor anus
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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