A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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