I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
