i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
