he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
