i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
