so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
