if i can run in heels then i can drive
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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