it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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