Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
