You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
