dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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