He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
