Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
