Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
