I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
