I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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