woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
