Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
