One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
