I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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