I hope mine doesn't look like that
one might say we're banned from that church
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
