Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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