Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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