He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
