Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
