I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
