Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
