i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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